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Entry tags:
Humans From Earth
Title: Humans From Earth
Rating: PG, heck, maybe G.
By: Jendavis
Spoilers: Post season 5
Pairing: Sheppard/Dex
Genre: Another Trope!fic. Total fluff. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue, don't take this too seriously.
Summary: AMTDI.
"Oh, chill out, McKay," John teased. "She was a knockout. Besides. It's not like you're actually bonded, married, betrothed, promised, or otherwise engaged. It was just a kiss, it hardly counts."
"So says the man who took an Ancient out on a moonlit picnic and tried passing it off as a business meeting. Besides. It meets the parameters: confusion, disgusting drinks, and awkward rituals."
"Fine. Whatever, put it on the wall." John said, slipping the vest from his shoulders.
"Hang on a damned second," McKay's hand went up to his radio and he turned away. "Zelenka? What did you mess up this time?" Heaving a sudden sigh, he dropped his pack and stalked out of the locker room.
John shook his head, laughing. "Ronon, can you-
"I got it," Ronon grabbed the pen hanging from the attached string and wrote the gate address at the end of the list. Glancing at the title, he paused, considering. "What's AMTDI mean, anyway?"
"Ah." Sheppard snorted. "Originally meant Admirers McKay Tragically Deems Incompatible, but it's sort of, ah. Expanded out from there."
---
"I just don't see why he's making such a big deal out of it," Ronon shrugged, looking back at Teyla.
"Perhaps in Canada, a kiss is considered differently than it is in America? Teyla decided, piling more greens onto her tray before moving down to select her dessert. "Whatever the case, it seems to be a topic which is somewhat taboo, so it would be best for us to not speak of it once they arrive."
"Fine by me," Ronon shrugged, and followed her to their table.
---
---
---
It was over a year later, and Atlantis had come to Earth, and it was only a matter of days before the luckier ones began taking off for shore leave. The unlucky were filtered through the SGC, first.
"Colonel Sheppard. Ronon," Daniel Jackson nodded to both of them. "Look, I heard they were keeping you here for a few days."
"Yeah. No more rooms in the hotels until day after tomorrow, so my team and Lorne's are all here until then."
"Right. Yes. Of course. I just wanted to let you know, Colonel, that the security cameras in my office don't work."
"Ah. Okay. Isn't that something you should be telling maintenance about?"
"What?! No. Not in this case. It's, ah. Kind of…unofficially deliberate. Just. Ah. Sometimes people want a little privacy. You know? Anyway, I'm going to be offworld until Friday, so you guys can borrow it if you need to, ah. Get away from the craziness for a bit."
"Yeah. Okay." John was clearly trying to remember if Doctor Jackson had always been so weird. "Cool. Thanks."
---
"Why's it called the honeymoon suite?" Ronon asked, scowling at the sign on the door.
"Oh crap. Hang on." John checked the room number again, muttering under his breath. "I'm going to kill. Whoever. Someone. Seriously."
"What's up?"
"Nothing. Just one of those things that Cadman can not find out about. Ever."
"Too late," Ronon nodded up the corridor to where Cadman and Katie Brown were stepping out of the elevator. "You get that key figured out yet?"
---
Following the noise down the hallway to Lorne's room, Ronon pushed the door open, and John froze in his tracks. Cadman's room was full of Airmen and Officers and faces he didn't recognize. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Spin the bottle," Lorne said, like that explained anything, and held up the bottle for inspection. Tequila, half-full.
"Chicken out, do a shot," Cadman explained. "You guys should join us!"
The look in John's eyes clearly said there is absolutely no way in hell that I can know about any of this, but he seemed frozen to the spot. Ronon grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back towards the doorway, but Cadman was already twisting the bottle on the floor to point it in their direction, much to the amusement of the congregation.
Ronon sighed, remembering Teyla's warnings about not offending one's hosts. Like a hundred other offworld missions, success here would boil down to drinking the local brew without showing disgust.
Thankfully, Ronon figured, they were getting good at that. He pulled out the cork, tossed a mouthful back, and passed the bottle to John. Managed not to grimace, for the most part.
"When in Rome, huh?" John smirked, but he took the bottle and followed suit.
---
Ronon was only halfway through his hangover, and knew that he probably missed something in the earlier interchange about John's brother's impending visit.
But the tone in Lorne's voice when he leaned back in his chair and speared him with a knowing look and said "Ah, so you're meeting the family," didn't make any sense at all.
"Already met him. Last year."
"Yeah, but this time, it's different, though." Lorne waved his hand, trailing off.
Ronon rubbed his eyes and swallowed more coffee, wondering if this was what McKay felt like all the time. Glanced at John, and guessed he felt the same.
---
Dave waited until John was heading out into the hall to get more ice, before turning decisively towards Ronon with a smile. "So. You going to make an honest man of John, or what?"
"He's already honest," Ronon scowled, pulling himself up to his full height and fixing a stare on Dave's suddenly confused face. "And we'll have a problem if you say otherwise."
"No, I just mean, am I going to have to go get my shotgun?"
"Get whatever you want," Ronon crossed his arms, wondering if John had suspected any of this. "I'll still have you disarmed in seconds."
"What?!" Dave shook his head. "No. Ah. I mean. You know. Daughter gets pregnant, her father comes after the guy who got her that way-"
John had the misfortune to return at that exact moment, to find Ronon staring at him, arms crossed, face apparently frozen in shock. "What?"
"Either your brother is a lunatic, or you're a liar. And possibly pregnant."
---
---
---
"…so that's what a shotgun wedding is, but apparently they're rare."
"I should think so." Kanaan grabbed Torren before he could fall off the sofa's armrest. "Unless they're not completely forthcoming about their reproductive capabilities. Between that and the lack of wraith in their galaxy, it would surely explain their large population."
"Yeah, but I’m pretty sure it's some sort of Earth humor thing. Like that Colbert guy. Like I said, we went Las Vegas, had the traditional ceremony officiated by an Elvis impersonator."
"Elvis is their god of marriage, right?"
"Music, too, I think."
Kanaan nodded thoughtfully. "Your husband's world seems a fascinating place."
---
It was another three months before Ronon noticed John studying the list on the locker room wall.
"What's up?"
"Nothing, was just thinking." John shrugged, dropping the pen before twisting around to catch a kiss on the corner of his mouth. "I’ll be stuck in with Woolsey when you and Teyla get back, but come find me and we'll grab dinner."
"Sounds good," Ronon nodded, grabbing another kiss. "See you in a few hours."
"Damned straight," John said, opening the door. "Good luck out there."
Ronon leaned in to examine the list. The paper had been long since covered with scrawled gate addresses, but there there, on the bottom right corner, almost too small to see, was Earth's.
Rating: PG, heck, maybe G.
By: Jendavis
Spoilers: Post season 5
Pairing: Sheppard/Dex
Genre: Another Trope!fic. Total fluff. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue, don't take this too seriously.
Summary: AMTDI.
"Oh, chill out, McKay," John teased. "She was a knockout. Besides. It's not like you're actually bonded, married, betrothed, promised, or otherwise engaged. It was just a kiss, it hardly counts."
"So says the man who took an Ancient out on a moonlit picnic and tried passing it off as a business meeting. Besides. It meets the parameters: confusion, disgusting drinks, and awkward rituals."
"Fine. Whatever, put it on the wall." John said, slipping the vest from his shoulders.
"Hang on a damned second," McKay's hand went up to his radio and he turned away. "Zelenka? What did you mess up this time?" Heaving a sudden sigh, he dropped his pack and stalked out of the locker room.
John shook his head, laughing. "Ronon, can you-
"I got it," Ronon grabbed the pen hanging from the attached string and wrote the gate address at the end of the list. Glancing at the title, he paused, considering. "What's AMTDI mean, anyway?"
"Ah." Sheppard snorted. "Originally meant Admirers McKay Tragically Deems Incompatible, but it's sort of, ah. Expanded out from there."
---
"I just don't see why he's making such a big deal out of it," Ronon shrugged, looking back at Teyla.
"Perhaps in Canada, a kiss is considered differently than it is in America? Teyla decided, piling more greens onto her tray before moving down to select her dessert. "Whatever the case, it seems to be a topic which is somewhat taboo, so it would be best for us to not speak of it once they arrive."
"Fine by me," Ronon shrugged, and followed her to their table.
---
---
---
It was over a year later, and Atlantis had come to Earth, and it was only a matter of days before the luckier ones began taking off for shore leave. The unlucky were filtered through the SGC, first.
"Colonel Sheppard. Ronon," Daniel Jackson nodded to both of them. "Look, I heard they were keeping you here for a few days."
"Yeah. No more rooms in the hotels until day after tomorrow, so my team and Lorne's are all here until then."
"Right. Yes. Of course. I just wanted to let you know, Colonel, that the security cameras in my office don't work."
"Ah. Okay. Isn't that something you should be telling maintenance about?"
"What?! No. Not in this case. It's, ah. Kind of…unofficially deliberate. Just. Ah. Sometimes people want a little privacy. You know? Anyway, I'm going to be offworld until Friday, so you guys can borrow it if you need to, ah. Get away from the craziness for a bit."
"Yeah. Okay." John was clearly trying to remember if Doctor Jackson had always been so weird. "Cool. Thanks."
---
"Why's it called the honeymoon suite?" Ronon asked, scowling at the sign on the door.
"Oh crap. Hang on." John checked the room number again, muttering under his breath. "I'm going to kill. Whoever. Someone. Seriously."
"What's up?"
"Nothing. Just one of those things that Cadman can not find out about. Ever."
"Too late," Ronon nodded up the corridor to where Cadman and Katie Brown were stepping out of the elevator. "You get that key figured out yet?"
---
Following the noise down the hallway to Lorne's room, Ronon pushed the door open, and John froze in his tracks. Cadman's room was full of Airmen and Officers and faces he didn't recognize. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Spin the bottle," Lorne said, like that explained anything, and held up the bottle for inspection. Tequila, half-full.
"Chicken out, do a shot," Cadman explained. "You guys should join us!"
The look in John's eyes clearly said there is absolutely no way in hell that I can know about any of this, but he seemed frozen to the spot. Ronon grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back towards the doorway, but Cadman was already twisting the bottle on the floor to point it in their direction, much to the amusement of the congregation.
Ronon sighed, remembering Teyla's warnings about not offending one's hosts. Like a hundred other offworld missions, success here would boil down to drinking the local brew without showing disgust.
Thankfully, Ronon figured, they were getting good at that. He pulled out the cork, tossed a mouthful back, and passed the bottle to John. Managed not to grimace, for the most part.
"When in Rome, huh?" John smirked, but he took the bottle and followed suit.
---
Ronon was only halfway through his hangover, and knew that he probably missed something in the earlier interchange about John's brother's impending visit.
But the tone in Lorne's voice when he leaned back in his chair and speared him with a knowing look and said "Ah, so you're meeting the family," didn't make any sense at all.
"Already met him. Last year."
"Yeah, but this time, it's different, though." Lorne waved his hand, trailing off.
Ronon rubbed his eyes and swallowed more coffee, wondering if this was what McKay felt like all the time. Glanced at John, and guessed he felt the same.
---
Dave waited until John was heading out into the hall to get more ice, before turning decisively towards Ronon with a smile. "So. You going to make an honest man of John, or what?"
"He's already honest," Ronon scowled, pulling himself up to his full height and fixing a stare on Dave's suddenly confused face. "And we'll have a problem if you say otherwise."
"No, I just mean, am I going to have to go get my shotgun?"
"Get whatever you want," Ronon crossed his arms, wondering if John had suspected any of this. "I'll still have you disarmed in seconds."
"What?!" Dave shook his head. "No. Ah. I mean. You know. Daughter gets pregnant, her father comes after the guy who got her that way-"
John had the misfortune to return at that exact moment, to find Ronon staring at him, arms crossed, face apparently frozen in shock. "What?"
"Either your brother is a lunatic, or you're a liar. And possibly pregnant."
---
---
---
"…so that's what a shotgun wedding is, but apparently they're rare."
"I should think so." Kanaan grabbed Torren before he could fall off the sofa's armrest. "Unless they're not completely forthcoming about their reproductive capabilities. Between that and the lack of wraith in their galaxy, it would surely explain their large population."
"Yeah, but I’m pretty sure it's some sort of Earth humor thing. Like that Colbert guy. Like I said, we went Las Vegas, had the traditional ceremony officiated by an Elvis impersonator."
"Elvis is their god of marriage, right?"
"Music, too, I think."
Kanaan nodded thoughtfully. "Your husband's world seems a fascinating place."
---
It was another three months before Ronon noticed John studying the list on the locker room wall.
"What's up?"
"Nothing, was just thinking." John shrugged, dropping the pen before twisting around to catch a kiss on the corner of his mouth. "I’ll be stuck in with Woolsey when you and Teyla get back, but come find me and we'll grab dinner."
"Sounds good," Ronon nodded, grabbing another kiss. "See you in a few hours."
"Damned straight," John said, opening the door. "Good luck out there."
Ronon leaned in to examine the list. The paper had been long since covered with scrawled gate addresses, but there there, on the bottom right corner, almost too small to see, was Earth's.
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"Music, too, I think."
Kanaan nodded thoughtfully. "Your husband's world seems a fascinating place."
This made me grin rather a lot.
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guh!
Thanks!
Re: guh!
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Loved Daniel and his no-camera office (he and Jack been busy?) and Dave (I almost spat coffee into my keyboard at the "possible pregnant" part). And Elvis as the god of marriage and music is priceless.
What a great way to brighten up a Monday!!
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And yes, you're totally right on the Jack and Daniel front. Because even though they've managed to keep the entire SGC operation secret, everyone in the entire universe, and possibly a few others as well, totally knows that they're doin' it. A lot. All the time. :)
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I had to throw the god of marriage thing in because I couldn't think of any other justification for elvis impersonation that would fit in the story.
but now, I fear that I may have converted myself, and that I'll wind up joining the church of Elvis very soon. :)
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This was a great way to cheer up a gloomy Monday!
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And I think that working with that picture in your head would totally improve any working situation, and not be at all distracting. Uh huh. Yep.
Though I am amused- it would be funny to go up to the reference desk to find the librarian cackling behind the computer. Funnier still, I suppose, if the librarian were to explain to the patron the reason for the cackling. Especially if the patron was some 50 year old guy looking to track down a copy of Chilton's or some tax forms.
I want SNL to do that sketch: a librarian explaining slash to a 50 year old looking for cookbooks.
:)
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And ... ummm ... 50 year olds are pretty spry these days. Who do you think discovered Kirk/Spock? LOL!
As for John and Ronon. I wish all distractions were so pleasant! And BTW, every time you put in a kiss, it just makes me happy!
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Though now I feel like I should ask my mom if she's a slasher. Because the conversation would be either awkward, funny, or awkward and really funny.
I had to throw some smooches in- wound up going more in depth with everyone else that I pretty much ignored Sheppard this time around! :)
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And if you ignore John, sooner or later he'll take over your next fic! Though I hear he'll call a truce for a few more Ronon smooches. :-)
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Have you worked at a library? That *is* what I do all day! LOL.
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Kanaan nodded thoughtfully. "Your husband's world seems a fascinating place."
Indeed. ::falls over::
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ROFLMAO!!!! i love this line! the whole story was just far too cute for words, but THAT line, made me snorffle coffee.
thank you so much for linking me here!
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